Whatever We Do, We'll Do it Together

"I wonder if we are given children to teach, or to learn from" - Author Unknown.


As I tucked T into bed the other night he was quite teary eyed and very unlike himself.  I quickly became worried that there was something going on in his world that I was unaware of and it scared me.

Once a week, I interview both of the boys on 5 aspects of their life.  We go for lunch, just the 2 of us and I ask them questions about these 5 areas:

1)How are you doing Spiritually
2) How are you doing Physically
3) How are you doing mentally
4) How are you emotionally
5) How are you socially

T and I had our lunch date on Wednesday and nothing came up that was alarming or worrisome, so now I was worried.

As I asked him what was going on, he very teary eyed said "Mom, do you want an artificial pancreas?"
 I was quickly stunned by his question and wasn't quite sure how to answer on the spot, as I knew my words were going to be kept close to the heart.
 I answered "well, I don't know right now.  It is still a long way before it will become a choice for us, but what it will be is a choice, just like the pump was over MDI's."

He kind of laid there, processing what I had said, but I could see in his eyes that there was more to ask.

Sniffling and eyes welled with tears, his looked up at me with his gorgeous brown eyes and said
" but if I get and artificial pancreas, I won't be a real Diabetic anymore.  I won't get to do all the D things like go to Camp, go to Carlsbad with INsulin Dependence, watch you finish Ragnar with IN people and most of all, I won't get to eat Glucolift Tablets."  <insert> heavy bawling at this point.

My life has always been motivated by my children and especially T as I set an example for his in a whole different way than I do my wee one.  I show him how to handle the ups and downs of living with Diabetes and how to make the best of it.  I guess I have done a REALLY good job at that because now he doesn't want to be non-Diabetic! Every race I have run or competed in, has always had greater motivation than just personal accomplishment.  I proudly wear my IN jersey's at any and all races whether they are actual IN races or not.  I sport my Glucolift visor and so does he, so he can spot me and me him as I race and come across the finish line.  I never realized though how impactful all of these little things have been in his life.  Seeing a team of T1D's race together and the bond that develops over a short period of time is HUGE in his world.  So much so that he doesn't want to give that up, in exchange for an artificial pancreas.   A life where things would be less calculated, a little easier and less controlled. 

I sucked back the tears, even though they streamed like a flood from the corners of my eyes, as I responded with this:
"T, I promise you that when that becomes a choice for us, you first of all will be old enough to decide what you want on your own, but more importantly...i promise you that whatever we choose, we will do it together..." 

I learnt a huge lesson from him that night after I had gone back to my room.  He admires me, he wants to be like me and not just because I am his Mom, but because I set a good example for him that Diabetes isn't so bad and it can be fun and normal as long as you take that attitude from the start.

Final note...again, I am glad that I am his Mom and that he developed T1D because look at what kind of child I get raise!  A healthy, smart and confident little boy that will influence others with T1D.

Tears.....
Kel